Thin Mints - or Communist Cookies?

Breaking news, America: the Girl Scouts of America are evil.

Not only do they sell their delicious cookies to increasingly chubby Americans, but as it turns out, they're also a bunch of liberal feminists who are turning your daughters into sex-crazed Communist lesbians. (That is what "evil" means, right?)

According to an Indiana State Representative who apparently did a google search for "Girl Scouts, conspiracy, socialist" and is now an expert on the evils of the Sisterhood of Many Badges, GSA is a "radical" puppet organization for Planned Parenthood, backed by "radically pro-abortion" Michelle Obama and her husband, President B. Hussein Obama.

State Rep. Bob Morris sent a letter to his colleagues this week, encouraging them to join him in his refusal to sign a resolution celebrating the 100th anniversary of Girl Scouts of America. Bob decided to take this course of action after "talking to some well-informed constituents" and doing a "small amount of web-based research." Among other things, this champion of the innocent came across this astonishing tidbit:

Many parents are abandoning the Girl Scouts because they promote homosexual lifestyles. In fact, the Girl Scouts education seminar girls are directed to study the example of role models. Of the fifty role models listed, only three have a briefly-mentioned religious background—all the rest are feminists, lesbians, or Communists.

All this through a small amount of online research! The man is clearly an internet genius, as well a truly gifted writer.

I also did a small amount of web-based research on this Girl Scouts scandal. I will share my findings with you.

Here is a picture of State Rep. Bob Morris of Indiana:

Indiana State Representative Bob Morris

Here is Rep. Bob Morris' doppelganger:

Lenny the Lizard

Here is a picture of President Ronald Reagan fraternizing with the enemy:

The Gipper surrounded by little lesbian Communists

And here is a picture of the evil Girl Scouts, as depicted on a box of their Communist Cookies, raising the American flag in what I'm sure is actually a salute to Kim Jong Un:

Evil recruitment tool #1

Okay, enough research. I'm sure it's as comprehensive as Rep. Morris'.

Has my "small amount of web-based research" convinced you that Girl Scouts of America is trying to ruin the lives of thousands of young girls?

Or are you convinced that Rep. Morris should take some advice from my previous post and shut the hell up? Stop embarrassing your party, you nincompoop!

I was a Girl Scout back in the day. My mom was a Girl Scout and later my Girl Scout leader. Communism, homosexuality, abortion? I didn't learn about any of that from Girl Scouts. I don't think I even knew what those things were until I'd actually left the Girl Scouts.

Instead, I learned about respect, self-esteem, and being prepared.

I remember making a lot of crafts with puffy paint and sequins, and going to camp to make more crafts with more puffy paint and sequins. I also learned and promptly forgot how to tie some complicated knots.

I made a bunch of friends, went to a lot of pool parties, and took field trips to fire houses, churches, and libraries. I also learned how to stand up to bullies, how to work through arguments, and how to work together as a team. I spent a ton of time outside with my buddies and got to enjoy being a little girl.

If I ever have a daughter, she's going to join Girl Scouts and like it, damn it.

Does someone want to point out what I'm missing here?